Students, if you need access to my Google Classroom email me at kurt.roper@rentonschools.us.
Week of (April 13 – April 17)
PARENTS:
Is grandma going to be okay? It is a common concern expressed my youth during this health crisis. Many of our youth have formed strong relationships with older relatives or neighbors. How we address the concerns of our children can make a big difference in their ability to cope.
Youth of middle school age are in the early stage of developing their own independent sense of self. In this stage of development, they often withdraw from family members and seek privacy. The experience of strong emotions are common and can be overwhelmed. Transitioning from childhood can be difficult enough in normal times, it is an even greater challenge in a time of crisis. Youth may appear to be handled difficult situations like an adult one minute and the next be a curled-up ball of tears in front of you the next, or more often behind a closed bedroom door.
Youth may react to their concerns with a variety of behaviors:
Not want to talk about their concern for a loved one or talk about their concern excessively
They may argue, be more difficult or demanding
Have trouble sleeping
Want to avoid strong or scary emotions (a sad movie might be overwhelming)
Anger may be used to cover fear or anxiety
Wanting to help care the loved one in some way
If the person does become ill, they may want to blame themselves for the loved one’s illness
Hyper protection of the loved one
Become angry if someone talks of visiting the loved one
Helping youth cope:
Accepting a youth’s feelings is the starting point. Emotions are not right or wrong and they don’t have to make sense. They are just what we experience in our internal world. We can help youth by letting them know their feelings are normal. By validate their emotions, we validate the person they are becoming. One way to express acceptance of their concern and emotion is through saying something like, “I heard your deep concern for ______________, I am pleased you care so much for them.”
As children are becoming young adults it is not uncommon for them to express feeling alone, even when they have the support of friends and family. The experience of becoming a person with their own independent identity, plus experiencing strong emotions can be overwhelming. Youth can become scared and embarrassed by their emotions and limited coping abilities. As youth are transitioning through this period of life, they are learning to understand who they are in new ways and learning how to build connect with others, including family, as an independent person. Encourage them to express their thoughts and feelings and accepting them as their legitimate experience builds the personal connections youth need and desire as they develop their independent identity.
As middle school youth are all over the board in their development, their experience of the current health crisis may vary widely. But at whatever level they understand and expressed concerns related to the crisis, it is important that we don’t downplay the crisis or concerns. We help them cope by talking openly about what we are doing to safeguard those we interact with and those we love.
When they have concerns for loved ones outside the immediate household, if possible, we can help them connect with the person they are concerned about. They can be helped to connect through phone calls, FaceTime, email, or method of video chat. For those “technology challenged’” a video call might be a call from outside a window. Avoid using letters or card that could pick up the coronavirus in handling along the way. If they live nearby, a visit at a safe distance from the front yard might be good.
In helping youth connect with their loved one of concern, it can be helpful to have a conversation about why the loved one is important to them. Then discuss how they might include some of this important content in their communication. Including information about the loved one’s importance to them as well as their concern, will enrich their communication and deepen the connection on both sides of the relationship.
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SPRING BREAK (APRIL 6-10)
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Week of (March 30 – April 3)
The kids have been home now for a couple of weeks and perhaps you as well. The current health crisis affects most every facet of our lives. Perhaps the most challenging aspect of this crisis is our lack of ability to predict and control it. Control is a key component in our experience of stress. When we feel we have control over our circumstances, even if it's just a belief, we experience less stress than when we feel we are not in control. This is true for both children and adults.
So how do we lessen our experience of stress as we face this community health crisis? The first is obvious, reduce our exposure to this virus by following the guidance health professionals are giving us. But beyond this, what can we do?
Even in these difficult times there are things that we can do to increase our sense of control and predictability, for our children and ourselves. Here are a few ways to reduce stress by building predictability and control back into our lives.
Predictability: Establish a daily routine. When do we get up and when is bedtime? When does dad or mom work remotely from home and when do children work on maintaining their learning? When is there free time for play? How and with whom do we socialize? What time is dinner going be? Maintaining a routine, a rhythm to our lives, provides predictability and stability, especially during unsettling times as we are experiencing presently.
Control: Develop your plan for daily routine through negotiation. Children need have their input heard to give them that sense of control, even if you still have veto powers over poor choices. Negotiate over special times, any events. For example, movie nights, game nights or special meals get prepared during the week.
There is also a hidden gift in the current crisis, and that is a gift of time. We're always saying we don't have enough time to do this or to do that. Well, maybe this is the time. Is there a special project you wanted to get done? Perhaps clean the refrigerator or the garage, weed the garden or maybe paint a room. Has your child wanted to paint their room, but you were afraid to turn them loose with a paint can and roller unsupervised? This could be the time to do that project together.
